Toddling Through Motherhood

The Wisemen

2009-11-30T12:27:00.000-08:00

Theo was asked to be a wiseman in the upcoming Beginner's Department Christmas program. I asked him what the wisemen brought to Jesus. He answered, "Frankincense, Myth, & Gold". I asked him what he would be bringing to Jesus as one of the wisemen. He put his finger to his chin and thought for a moment and replied, "I would like to bring Jesus Water, Milk & Food".

Speaking of wismen....Rider is starting to talk more and more but at his little age of 16 months he still relies on grunts to get him what he wants. He wanted something from the counter and was saying uhhh, uhhh and pointing towards it. I said, "What, is this what you want". He answered. "Yes". I think maybe if I stopped letting him get away with grunting he might be talking in sentences by now. LOL.

Rider's 1st Year

2009-11-19T22:43:00.000-08:00

The Birth of Rider

2009-10-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

Rated PG -(edited) nothing too graphic here. From contractions until birth - a completely natural birth experience void of any pain medication or epideral.

Rider's Birth Video

Another Bout of Infertility Due to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

2009-09-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

There is no known cure for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. There is some research that leads doctors to believe that the only thing close to a cure is pregnancy- interestingly prognosis, considering most women afflicted with Polycystic generally are unable to get pregnant. So with this knowledge doctors advise me I shouldn’t have any difficulty getting pregnant after having Theo.

It’s coming up on Theo’s 2nd Birthday and I’m realizing the same symptoms as before. I’m pretty positive I have issues again. I really want Theo to have a sibling. We think he needs a sibling. He just loves playing around other children and is very social. Do we adopt? Keep trying? What??? This is a big burden on my heart and so I began to pray all the time about it. I also start preparing charts to talk to a doctor about my condition and see if anything has changed for the better.

Then one day, I was driving by Kaiser Hospital and I pointed toward the building and said, hey Theo. There is where you were born. The Lord immediately spoke to my heart and said to me that I would be delivering my second child there as well. The next morning after taking my temperature and looking over my chart I could clearly see I just ovulated. About 52 weeks later, Rider Kodiak was born. Yah!!!!

So...You Think You Can Dance?

2009-09-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Check out Rider dancing to "Bond".

Click here to see Rider Grooving

Another day toddling

2009-09-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

Last night my cell phone completely flipped out. It won't let me use any function keys and on it's own dials 4444444444444. indefinately. So I could hardly wait until the Cingular's Premier division opened at 9am to get my new cell ASAP. After breakfast and a trip to Safeway with the boys I was finally able to set Rider in his highchair for a snack and call Cingular.

You moms can almost recite what happened next -once I was on the phone. Yes, as soon as a customer service rep answered the phone Theo began "singing" in the bathroom in a very high pitched voice and screaming MOM! I need you to help with my pants!.. Rider was fussing in his highchair and as I watch he tipped his sippy cup over, squished the top down to make it leak water and filled his tray with water and then almost to spite me for being on the phone he leaned over and started blowing bubbles with his mouth and nose in the water and drinking it. I could hardly hear the rep on the phone and by this time I'm laughing and frantically searching for my camera to catch Rider on video. Turns out I didn't get the camera in time and I had to make the customer service guy repeat everything about 3 times. Mental breakdown coming soon....

Around 11:30ish I'm putting Rider down for a late nap. I hear Theo doing something downstairs (he's suppose to watch a cartoon while I put Rider to bed). I come down about 10 minutes later and he's having a "soda party". Or at least that's what he tells me. (((See pic below)))

It's 3:40 now. I still need to feed the kids, make dinner for Barry and me and run to the post office (sold another of Rider's outfits on ebay). 3 1/2 hours until bedtime. I think I'll make it.

There were also several bottles of Rootbeer lined on the table. I'm hosting mom's group at my house next Wednesday. Looks like Theo wanted to start the part a little early.

Theo's 1st year

2009-09-09T01:07:00.000-07:00

My life changed so much after becoming a mom. I'm not just talking about the fact that I was now lugging around a 9 lb baby, nestled inside an 11lb + carseat, in addition to carrying my purse and a 5 lb diaper bag. Or the fact that my usual prompt self now arrived late to almost everything due to diaper blowouts, last minute nursing needs or just trouble getting this little wiggle worm dressed and ready to go. What I'm talking about is the emotional feelings you have after crossing over into the "motherhood-zone".

Once I actually became a mom I felt this wonderful maternal feeling that just burst inside of me. I still wanted to work but not for 40+ hours a week. And as far as my baby - I just adored him. He was seriously attached to me 24/7 for his first year of life. I'm not kidding. Looking back it was way too much. But I felt like you could never give a child too much attention. He nursed every 1-2 hours of the day for a l-o-n-g time. Then he would go to sleep on me. I would just lay down in recliner with him on my chest and take a much needed nap. Later I would cook dinner with him on my hip. He would usually sleep through dinner in his play and pack then wake for another feeding. I would have him in my arms until around 9pm. I would nurse him to sleep before putting him into his crib. He would usually sleep until around midnight waking when he wanted to eat again. I would nurse him in bed and snuggle him through the night. That was a normal day. Even when I had an appointment or needed to work, I took him with me everywhere I went. Maybe I reacted so strongly because it was such a difficult journey getting pregnant and I just totally appreciated my baby. But really, I don’t think so. I think any mom whether she gets pregnant right away, has issues and it takes a while or goes through the bumpy road of adoption it somehow flips the same motherhood switch inside of us.

Pics of my little Prince... at the pumpkin patch 3 months old and in Hawaii

looking coolReading his favorite book

Baby Blues

2009-09-08T16:07:00.001-07:00

Thankfully I didn’t get them very badly. Well, at least not like some of the stories I have read. The worse thing was I didn’t realize I was going through it until looking back a year or so later. Basically I was sensitive to things around being a mom. I remember crying because I didn’t feel like I was a good enough mom. I wondered why someone like me had such a wonderful husband and awesome baby. I didn’t deserve it and wouldn’t live up to motherhood. It lasted about a month. After I snapped out of it I realized how hormonal I was feeling. All I can say is weird. By nature I’m not a very emotional person so it just felt really weird to me to be uncontrolled in this regard. Glad those days are over.

Nursing - OUCH!

2009-09-08T16:01:00.001-07:00

I seriously read over 30 books while pregnant with Theo. I wanted to be informed with everything from pregnancy, birthing and beyond. So I thought I had a pretty good grasp of nursing how-to’s. Turns out it takes some practice (no matter how many books you read) and listening to the nurses is a good idea. I didn’t realize that for the first couple of days you will only produce a teaspoon or two or three of milk at best. And I was determined to get some milk out. After all, I didn’t want my baby to starve and I really didn’t want to have to use formula. I requested an electric pump. After turning it on to a comfortable suction I wasn’t getting but maybe a couple drops. I kept increasing it until it was at maximum level and left it on there for as long as possible (about 20 minutes). When the nurse came in later to collect my milk she was shocked at how much I had. I told her how I got it and found out I didn’t really need to do that. I’ll spare you the details but I paid for that mistake for MONTHS afterwards. Lanolin and tea bags became my friend!

It turned out that Theo got jaundice. He needed to be supplemented with formula for a few weeks and as a first time mom I was so scared he wouldn’t nurse. Well, no problems there. Even though I planned on ceasing nursing at 12 months Theo had other ideas. I nursed him until he was around 16 months old. I’m glad I could do that.

The Birth of Theodore Bear

2009-09-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

My pregnancy with Theo was complication-free. Everything went as about as perfect as could be. Well, if you take out the weight issue. I ended up gaining about ½ my body weight. I was 120 lbs when I got pregnant and weighed in at about 176 lbs a couple days before I had Theo. Yes, I was about as huge and miserable as they come. Thankfully I had Theo 3 days before my due date. On a Saturday night around 6pm October 22, 2005 I sat down to dinner and felt a swoosh of something. I thought I must have lost control and finally peed my pants. Ha ha. Actually my water broke.

I am not a huge fan of going to the doctor or hospitals so I told my husband we aren’t going in until I feel some pain. I sat down with my feet up and relaxed watching some TV. I started getting a few contractions around 10pm and by 11pm my husband Bear is begging me to at least call the hospital to let them know I’m going into labor. I’m afraid to call because they might make me come in. I call anyways, and of course they tell me to come in immediately. About midnight contractions are consistent and building. At 3am I’m in hard labor. By around 7:35am I have the most gorgeous little boy in the world snuggled up next to me nursing. I ask the nurse if he is really this beautiful or am I just a mom? She confirms – he’s gorgeous. Theo weighed 9 lbs 3 oz. I opted for no drugs or epidural. It was the right choice for me. My adrenaline kicked in and the only time it was near unbearable was as his head came out. It felt like maybe 5 minutes but it took about ½ hour. I can’t begin to describe the feeling of accomplishment after birthing naturally. You hear of people training to conquer Mt. Everest but once on top still have a feeling of needing to accomplish more. Well after giving birth, I felt on top of a mountain and had no feeling of needing more

My Story: Infertility journey

2009-09-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

The short story: I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). I tried a few infertility treatments and was unable to get pregnant. I prayed for God’s will in my life. Should we adopt or somehow have children of our own or none at all. Five years later I am the elated mother of two wonderful miraculous boys! Theo is almost 4 and Rider is 14 months old.

The long story: At 20 years old I was having severe cramps. I would only menstruate maybe 2-3 times a year. I thought maybe my lack of period was the cause of the increase of cramps. I visited a doctor. The doctor said I had some signs of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), however at 5’ 5” 119lbs she was pretty sure it must be something else. She sent me on to a specialist, who sent me to another specialist…I knew something was up when they kept sending me to specialist after specialist and running all kinds of tests. Meanwhile I am heaving over with severe cramps on a daily basis for about a week at a time. My curious mind is thinking maybe my body is trying to menstruate but unable to? After an invasive ultrasound it was confirmed I had several cysts on my ovaries and indeed have PCOS. I was told due to 100’s of cysts on my ovaries- that I would most likely not bear children of my own.

I got married 4 years later and didn’t really want to try for a family until later in life. When I was about 27 years old, we began trying to start a family to no avail. I saw some more specialists and again was confirmed to have PCOS. I tried some infertility drugs such as Clomid and also took Metformin. The Clomid made me feel out-of-control cranky that I stopped taking it after only 3X trying (at my husband’s request). :-) I maintained temperature charts but they gave me no pattern due to my condition. Finally after seeing one of the top infertility specialists in the country I was told the only possibility of me having my own child would be through In vitro fertilization. I wasn’t showing any signs of ovulating even with drugs that force ovulation. Later I found I also had a blocked fallopian tube. At this point I wondered if I just wasn’t suppose to have children of my own and maybe adoption was what I should seek instead. Or maybe I wouldn’t be a good mom and should abstain from children period. My prayers changed. Instead of praying to get pregnant I just prayed to have God’s will -whether that meant children of my own, adoption or no children. This new way of praying felt so much better and just right, I continued this prayer almost daily for a couple months.

Three months later I was so tired out by the end of the day. I also started having other signs of being pregnant. This was weird since I knew I couldn’t be pregnant. I took a pregnancy test – and it was confirmed –I’m pregnant! I called my doctor, the infertility specialist, to see about getting a test at the office to confirm I’m really pregnant. I talked to the nurse and she had the doctor call me back. He nicely informed me that if the pregnancy test I took was positive then I am most likely pregnant. However, don’t get too excited. Due to my condition, I have 50% chance of it being an atopic (tubal) pregnancy. He suggested I call my regular doctor immediately to schedule an ultrasound. I hung up the phone and immediately went to my knees in prayer. I prayed, “Lord, you allowed me to get pregnant despite the doctor’s diagnosis. The doctor does not have the authority to tell me I won’t have a child. You are my authority. You created me and I know you gave me this child”. Thinking about the doctor’s words of not getting my hopes up because I most likely will have a tubal pregnancy made me cry. I prayed for comfort from God and strength to take me through anything I might face ahead. I don’t want to sound weird or anything but you know how in movies this big deep voice of God speaks to people – yet in the Bible it describes it as a still small voice. I actually heard that still small voice talk to me. God let me know that I would deliver a baby and that it would be my dream come true –a boy! I asked God if the baby would be healthy – but didn’t hear anything back. I praised God for what he did speak to me. Now how do I explain all this to my husband? :-)